Satisfaction Guaranteed: See What Companies Actually Mean When They Tell You This
If I make a dollar for every time I see this worn-out phrase, I would be a millionaire ten years ago. Satisfaction guaranteed is so overused and misused that whenever I see it my heart sink and I became almost certain that I am about to be sold a crap. One of the most memorable places I heard this line, surprisingly, was on a music video. The artiste no longer sings. He is probably selling second-hand shoes in downtown somewhere or so I think. He has become the symbol for my measurement of the paucity of this phrase. But many businesses are in business so they believe it is normal for them to continue to use satisfaction guaranteed. It is not normal. I know this, you know this, they know this: It is not normal. But what do companies mean when they deploy this cliched term?
Here is what they mean.
They are talking about their own satisfaction.
If you have ever sold something nobody wants either because it is not good enough or because it is basically useless, then you will understand the satisfaction that comes from having someone take one of your rotten apples off your back. Someone is satisfied whenever you purchase something. It may be you and the seller or just one person – and that isn’t always you. And if the seller is a satisfaction is guaranteed bloke, then you’re sure who is getting satisfied.
They mean you will get some satisfaction.
If you buy a product that purports to do many things it will definitely do something. Let’s use WordPress as an instance. You may see a package online that promises to cache your static content, provide redirects, minify, provide CDN, security, lazy loading of images, and detect 404 pages, all many others. Well, not all of these may work and not all of these may work well. But they didn’t build it for all of it to work. If they can get one or two of them working for you, satisfaction is guaranteed. A majority of them may work but it may end of slowing down your site which is not working at all.
Meet the woman who was raised by monkeys as a child
So if one satisfaction checks, they all do.
They hope you will be satisfied.
When they say satisfaction is guaranteed, sometimes, what they mean and actually mean to say is we hope that you get satisfied by this product/service; we are not sure about your satisfication but we are sure about our hope for your satisfaction. This is actually a prayer, the prayer of a company or manufacturer that does not believe in their product but are not 100% sure. So this is the one percent of that doubts praying for you, hoping, earnestly, that you get the satisfaction you deserve.
But why put a product you are not 100% sure about in the market? Because, it is what it is; if we say satisfaction is guaranteed, it will help. Sometimes, it works.
They dare you to not be satisfied
There are times “Satisfaction guaranteed” sounds like a threat. They seem to sound like the manufacturer just got out of the oven after pouring his souls and those of his Facebook friends as well into this product. It is a good product because quality time was spent on it and sacrifices were made. It is made to satisfy you. So when you take it, you have bought something someone is passionate about. You may be grateful if you like, that is your prerogative but that is where your prerogatives end. You cannot not be satisfied. That was what they won’t sleepless hours for, to guarantee your satisfaction.
Image source: HuffPost.com
